How I Prepare Clients for Mediation

David Louis is extremely conscientious in helping his clients to make the best possible use of the mediation process. To that end, he takes the time to prepare both parties ahead of joint sessions.

I have found, over the course of many years of mediation practice, that preparation is essential. I help my clients be as prepared as possible for the work that lies ahead. This preparation begins as soon as I am engaged to work as their mediator.

I help my clients be as prepared as possible for the work that lies ahead. This preparation begins as soon as I am engaged to work as their mediator.

Resources to Assist in Preparation
Once clients have signed an agreement to hire me, I provide them with resources by email, including a list of financial documents that need to be completed to establish full financial disclosure. Documents can then be uploaded to a secure storage location I supply.

I also provide my clients with an outline of the topics that are going to come up in mediation. I do that for two reasons. First, the outline gives each person an opportunity to think ahead about what we're going to talk about—what their needs are, what matters to them, and what they hope to get out of a particular discussion.

Second, the outline gives the two of them an opportunity, if they choose, to begin talking about some of these topics on their own. They may reach some decisions before we meet, or they may not. Either way, those conversations can help them identify questions or issues that they want to bring into mediation.

Support for Agreements Made Ahead
Couples may find themselves aligned on many topics. In our first joint mediation session, I check in with both parties about what agreements have already been made. I don't expect that there will be items already agreed upon, but I also don't expect that there won’t be! If clients say they’ve made some decisions, I will ask questions to be sure that both have the same understanding of what it is that they’ve agreed to. We also need to know that what they have decided is workable. I bring my expertise to the issues to be sure there's nothing that might affect my clients’ ability to carry those decisions out in the way they intend.

I protect and preserve the decisions my clients make. I don't see it as my role to talk them out of something they've decided simply because I might have approached it differently. The two partners own the outcome.

What I will do is bring my experience and knowledge to the discussion. I'll ask questions to make sure they've fully thought the decision through and understand anything that might affect their ability to carry it out in the way they intend. If they ultimately change their minds, it won't be because I told them to. It will be because they received information or considered questions that caused them to see the issue differently.

Information Regarding Children in Divorce
I also provide clients with legal information relevant to children in divorce. For parents with minor-age children, I share a basic template for a joint parenting plan agreement—to be customized as appropriate—to help with decision making and establish co-parenting guidelines. This is a structure for establishing time with each parent and pointing out the different issues that need to be considered. A specific parenting schedule will be unique to each family. I respect family differences and supply information but do not steer clients in any particular direction.

Budgeting
Another resource that I provide by email is a budgeting worksheet. This is optional, but often helpful in beginning to assess what the expenses will be after the transition into separate homes. Comparing this future, projected budget to current resources gives a sense of what kind of financial support might be necessary in order for each partner to have a sustainable lifestyle going forward.

There's also an opportunity for my clients to prepare a list of expenses for their children, so that such information is available when discussing how the children's needs are going to be met. Are the resources available for child support sufficient to cover basic needs, supporting a sustainable life in two homes? How are expenses beyond basic child support going to be allocated between the parents, i.e., healthcare, childcare, extracurricular activities, and educational expenses? I guide clients to consider these extremely important questions for the sake of their children’s future.

Emotional Preparation
There's another level of preparation that is important for the mediation process. As an experienced, neutral third party, I work with each partner to help them bring their best possible selves into joint mediation sessions, so they are ready to engage most fruitfully in the difficult conversations that occur there.

To assist in this emotional preparation, I employ a set of workbooks. For parents of minor children, I provide a workbook entitled “Our Family in Two Homes.” For couples who do not have children or whose children are no longer minors, we use a workbook called “Our Family in a Few Homes.”

I have found these workbooks to be very helpful in encouraging self-reflection. They ask clients to think about themselves and what matters to them—their values, goals, and concerns. They also ask clients to think about their relationship with their soon-to-be ex-partner. How does trust factor into all of this? How do patterns of communication factor in? How does the way each of us approaches conflict factor in? These are questions I help clients consider individually, in a safe environment, before we begin our joint mediation sessions.
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Individual Meetings
A final aspect of preparation is an individual meeting with each person. This gives me an opportunity to get to know them better and to understand who they are, what matters to them, and what concerns they may be bringing into the mediation process.
It also gives each person an opportunity to get to know me. I want them to feel comfortable talking with me and to know that I understand their concerns. My goal is for each person to come into our joint mediation sessions feeling heard, understood, and prepared to express what matters to them so that it can be heard and considered in the conversation.