Staying In Focus

The divorce mediation process offers you a unique opportunity to engage in a meaningful dialogue with your spouse. As a neutral third party, I am there to assist you, so that, together, we can develop a plan for your separate futures. As your mediator, I provide you with tools so that you are both prepared to participate effectively in mediation discussion.
 
How to prepare for divorce conversations? Information—both provided by me and gathered by you—needs to be at your disposal. You can also prepare by coming into the mediation process with a clear mindset and focus, enabling you to speak, be heard, and hear the voice of the other.
 
How to prepare for divorce conversations? Information—both provided by me and gathered by you—needs to be at your disposal. You can also prepare by coming into the mediation process with a clear mindset and focus, enabling you to speak, be heard, and hear the voice of the other.
 
On an emotional-level and a thought-level, preparation involves knowing what most matters to you and what you see as the challenges that may impede achieving your short- and long-term goals.
 
As you contemplate priorities for your future, I encourage you ask yourself some simple questions:
 

• Does it matter if this happens or not?
• How much does it matter (in other words, what kind of priority is this for me)?
• What are the consequences to me (and/or our children) if what I am seeking doesn’t happen for me in our discussions?
• What will be my role in making my future happen? (Can I do this myself, or will I need help from my soon-to-be ex-spouse?)
• What could my soon-to-be ex spouse do to help me achieve my goal, and how could they (and/or our children) benefit from contributing to my future success?
• What will be better in my life (and the lives of the children) if I can make happen what is important to me?

It’s always helpful to remember that meaningful dialogue goes in two directions. Just as you should be prepared to express yourself about what’s important, why it’s important, and plans you can suggest to make it happen, you should also prepare yourself to listen to your spouse, who will be sharing the same set of thoughts on their own behalf.
 
By helping you both stay focused on sharing thoughts, ideas and options, and by encouraging you to be open to what each other is saying, the mediation process can create a platform of understanding. Then learning can take place and create a foundation for constructive planning and decision making.